My induction is now scheduled for Tues, April 3rd at 8:00AM. It is so exciting to think that I only have a week, at the very most, before I can meet my baby boy face to face. This time staying at my aunts house has gone by quickly, but I am so ready to start the next stage of our journey. Ryan and I just can't wait to have Landon here which will bring us one step closer to being able to take him home and start our life as a family.
It is such a strange existence, leaving the life you knew and coming somewhere where you have no job or responsibilities. I told my aunt the other day that her cats are going to miss me. I think they think I am one of them because I have the life of a cat. I stay home with them all day, I sleep, I get up and eat, I go for a walk, then I come home and sleep, and do the whole process all over again. I know this time of being able to rest is so needed and someday I will look back and wish I could go back to the life of cat probably, but there are days where I just miss my old life so much. I miss our morning routine of getting ready and leaving for work, I miss working and I miss the kids so much, I miss having to look at a calendar to know where I have to go and what I have to do that day. I miss coming home to Ryan and spending our evenings together. Then I realize when I do finally go home, life will not be the way I left it. I am not just on vacation from my old life, I am completely done with it. Next time I walk through our apartment door I will be a different woman, I will be changed forever, I will be a mother. I don't believe there is any way to prepare for that. It is a scary place to be when everything you can see in the distance is completely unknown and foreign to you, but I trust and believe that the best is yet to come.
Today at my ultra sound Landon's foot no longer looked like a picture of a boney skeleton. It was a little babies foot with five distinct stubby toes. It amazes me how much he can change in one week! It is all becoming surreal. For nine months he has been a part of me, it's all he's ever known. I never realized the symbolism behind the cutting of the umbilical cord until recently. I will no longer be able to sustain him. He is his own individual, with his own life to live. I suppose parents have realizations like this on a daily basis where all you can do is step back and be so thankful that God is in control and even when we have to let go, He doesn't. Even when we have to take our eyes off of them so we can get some sleep, He stays awake. Even when they shut the door on us, He's on the other side. Even when they leave the safety of our nest, He's the wind beneath their wings.
Even when all we know is what the doctors tell us, God sees the depths of Landon's heart. I know that He created Landon and has a huge purpose and plan for his life. We just feel so blessed that we get to play a role in his story. I've carried him for nine months, but God holds his eternity and because I believe that I can face the future and truly say the best is yet to come.