What are you doing Lord?

That was my response when I hung up the phone with Dr. Fernandez yesterday. Seconds later a sick queasy feeling overtook my body which hasn't left yet. I am the type of person that needs to know the plan. And once I know the plan, you better not change it on me! I've been this way since I was a child. The ONLY way I actually like change is if I make it happen myself, like if I make the decision to get a new comforter for our bed or arrange the living room furniture, that kind of change... I like. That kind of change... I welcome. The kind of change that happened yesterday... I don't really know what to do with it.

Okay okay okay, I wont leave you hanging any longer. This is what happened... So last Friday I got sick of waiting and I called U of M and asked what the heck was taking them so STINKIN long??? Not in those exact words of course, but that's what the bolder silent me said. A woman called me back shortly and told me that they didn't seem to have any information saying that Landon needed a heart cath done.

WHAT!!!

I actually said that and I used that many exclamation points too.

She told me that she would call Dr. Fernandez and get back to me early the following week (this week).

I waited...

Nothing.

So I called Dr. Fernandez on Monday

waited...

Nothing.

So I called the lady at U of M back on Tues. She told me that Dr. Fernandez said he would call me. I explained to her that he didn't. Then she told me that as far as she knew the doctors and surgeons were still discussing Landons case. I took that to mean, they were still trying to find a date that works for the heart cath. I told her thank you and hung up.

Continued to wait to hear back from them...

Nothing.

FINALLY Dr. Fernandez called me yesterday (Thursday) and told me that... get ready for it... He talked with Dr. Kochilas (Landon's cardiologist at Amplatz) and he told him that because Landons oxygen saturation levels have been so good they want to wait a year to do the cath and the Bi-directional Glen.

WHAT!!!

I didn't know what to say.

I asked some questions to which Fernandez threw back some quick replies. He told me that he will continue to do echos on Landon once a month and if his sats drop at all, they will make plans to get him to Amplatz right away.

We hung up and I just felt sick.

What are you doing Lord??

This doesn't make sense at all!

What are you doing Lord??

Our apartment is getting overrun with pillow pets that need to get to their kids.

What are you doing Lord???

Fernandez was just freaking us out a couple weeks ago and telling us that Landon will most likely need the Glen very soon.

What are you doing Lord??

I don't understand.

It's a day later and I still don't understand. I still feel sick, but truthfully I think that's more a side effect of the flu shot I got yesterday. I called Dr. Kochilas today and was told he would get back to me. It's 5:42PM and I haven't heard anything yet. I have so many questions I need answered.

Will the heart cath be in a year or when Landon is a year old?

How much do his sats need to drop before they will want to do something?

Why has our cardiologist here in Bismarck been giving us such a different picture.

Is it safe to take him to places like church if we don't let anyone hold him or let him be near anyone who hasn't had their flu shot?

So many questions...


I woke up today with a different perspective then yesterday. This is GOOD news. UNEXPECTED news... but good news nonetheless.

This is what we've been praying for. This truly is a miracle!! Landon is doing SO WELL!! He will only get bigger and stronger so if he does need another surgery in a year, he will be more ready for it. We wont be any more ready for it and we just wanted to get it over with, but we're just going to take one day at a time, keep praying, and cross each bridge and climb every mountain as they come.

This is a HUGE blessing for the pillow pet project!! At first I was worried, but God has worked it all out. My family was already planning on gathering at my aunts for Thanksgiving so, as of now, our plans (do I dare even say "our plans" anymore?) are to travel to the Cities the day before Thanksgiving (Ryan was already planning on taking a lot of work off this month so that works perfect) and spending the day scouring Minneapolis and the surrounding areas for pillow pets. We will spend most of Thanksgiving Day at Amplatz bringing smiles and giving the families who are forced to spend their holiday cooped up in a hospital room, something to be thankful for. Not that a pillow pet from strangers makes up for family, turkey and mashed potatoes, but it's something. I can't really think of a better day that these families will need to be encouraged and feel the presence of God. If we still have pillow pets that need little arms to cuddle them, we will go to the Ronald McDonald house and give them to the kids there the next day. I would love for this to happen because the atmosphere is much more relaxed there so we could play with the kids and really get to know them and their families. Yesterday (before we received our unexpected news) I was able to get connected to the childrens administrator at Amplatz. She told me that they usually only accept donations and they don't allow people to deliver the gifts in person, but she LOVED the pillow pet idea.  She told me her two children have pillow pets and they love them. "What an awesome thing for these kids to have in their rooms with them." she told me. She said to call her when we know when we'll be there and she will personally escort us around so we can give them out.

HOW AWESOME IS THAT!!

God is just blowing open doors for this thing. I didn't really think we would make our goal, but now we just may go above and beyond... so like God :)

It seems like (especially this past month) I am constantly standing back (more like getting blown back in shock and knocked on my keister) at God. He is so STINKIN AMAZING!!! I tell Him this on a daily basis so if you have a problem with me using the word "STINKIN" in my praise to God, don't worry He's used to it :)

God is doing so much in our life right now. He has been speaking very loudly to us and making some things very clear. I SO want to share with all of you the direction God seems to be leading our family, but the time just isn't right quite yet. One thing is for sure... "As the Heavens are higher then the earth, so are His ways higher then our ways and His thoughts then our thoughts." Isaiah 55:9

You will want to stay posted :)

Just a footnote for those of you who jump to conclusions and make everything baby news... no I'm not pregnant :)