I think the title of this post pretty much sums up yesterday. We got to the hospital an hour early so we had plenty of time to walk around. It is huge! There was doctors everywhere. I felt out of place and scared. Thanks to Ryan we didn't get lost and found our way back to the fetal maternal medicine center. Once I filled out some papers, they called my name and it all went very fast from there. I had an ultra sound and was so excited to get a 3d picture of Landon afterwards :) Then they took me straight into another room where I had another fetal echo. I was sad when I realized everything looked the same. We have been praying that God would just open his valve and that they wouldn't find anything wrong. We are not giving up on that prayer, but it was obvious that it wasn't going to be answered just yet. Once the lady was done, another woman came in and introduced herself as Dr. Shanthi. I knew that this was the woman I was told would be my doctor. She looked through the fetal echo results and talked about what she was seeing with the intern. I could tell Ryan was watching them and listening to everything. Dr. Shanthi looked at Landon a little bit herself and then she told me I could wipe myself off and meet her in the consultant room.
We got in there before her so we just looked over our questions until she arrived. She was very professional. She began by explaining to us what she does at the hospital. To my understanding, she will not be Landon's doctor, but she oversees everything. She is the one who will review Landon's case with the doctor who will deliver him, the surgeons who will perform his surgeries, and the nurses who will care for him in the NICU. She told me that she wants me to go as close to full term as I can. 39 weeks is my goal. If I can make it to 39 weeks then I will be induced. They want Landon in the womb for as long as possible so that he is as strong as possible and his lungs and everything are developed well enough. She explained to us that they will need to see me at 30 weeks, but until then I can go to an OB in Bismarck. This was SUCH a relief!! At the 30 week appointment they will be doing a lot more testing and examine how Landon is developing. We will also get a tour of everywhere where Landon will be in the hospital. Then at 36 weeks they want me close so I will be staying in the cities for the last month of my pregnancy. Then she drew us a picture of what a "normal" heart looks like and explained how it functions and then she drew a picture of Landon's heart and explained to us how it isn't functioning the way it needs to. This is hard for a parent to hear, someone comparing their child to "normal". It was informative though and gave us a better understanding of Landon's condition. Ryan will explain more in depth about Landon's condition and the surgeries that we were told he will have to have.
After she was done, we asked the few questions we had that she hadn't already answered and then we left. The appointment only took about 2 hours. Then we were on the road again. The two pictures I got to have of Landon were the highlight of my week. We must of looked at them for half the drive home haha. We decided he has my nose and Ryan's chin, we tried to figure out what the strange creature thing next to him is in one of the pics. I think it looks like a stuffed puppy dog and Ryan thinks it looks like Gandolph from Lord of the Rings. We had a good laugh over how that got in there with him lol. It is such an odd experience to have such a mixture of joy and sorrow in your heart at the same time, but that is how I feel a lot. Even in the midst of all of hard news we hear, the tests, and the anxiety about the future, we still have so much joy because of our baby boy. We love every second we get to see him, we talk about him and pray for him constantly. He is ours and we couldn't be more proud :)
We got home... exhausted. Ryan figured that we drove over 900 miles in 24 hours. We picked up the mail on our way up. I was excited to see Christmas cards in the pile. We gathered in the kitchen to open them once we found a place to drop all our luggage. I began to cry as checks fell out of two of the cards. As we read the loving words written in them we just looked at each other in amazement. Just when life seems so overwhelming God uses someone to send the message that He's got us right in the safety of His hand. We couldn't be more overwhelmed by God's love right now and the love of our friends and family. We were wondering how we would be able to afford going home for Christmas, but now God has provided a way! I cried and hugged Ryan and we both agreed that it's ok. There is so much going on in our lives and hearts right now that I'm not even sure what "it" is, but we know that with God, it's ok :)