I have had many people tell me that I need to write a book. Right now, I don't see how that would be possible. I can hardly find the time to update my blog now that we're home. In the few moments that I'm not spending with Landon during the day, there seems to always be dishes to wash, laundry that needs folding, bottles to mix, thank-yous that need to be written, phone calls to make etc. Blogging just got pushed further and further down on the mental to do list I am constantly writing in my head.
With that said, the weekend is finally here. My amazing husband has taken over the full time job of catching up on laundry. Even more amazing is how he's managing it one handed since Landon seems to think that he can only sleep while being held today. I finally feel like I'm able to close our bedroom door for a while and go through the process of recalling this last week. I always prefer to blog right away while it's all still so fresh, this is much harder, but I'm learning that I have to be happy with anything I get done in a day. It is a successful day if at the end of it, Landon has been well fed, cleaned, interacted with, and loved throughout the day. Every dish that got put in a cupboard or article of clothing places in a drawer is just a bonus.
On Wednesday I took Landon to meet Dr. Fernandez for the first time. Dr. Fernandez performed my first fetal echo and he is the one who diagnosed Landon and referred us to U of M. I saw him many times during my pregnancy so he could keep an eye on how Landon's heart was developing in utero. First Landon had an echo (ultra sound of the heart) by a nurse. He is so tiny laying on a normal size hospital bed. Dr. Fernandez came in and looked at him a little himself. He told me he would speak to me in a while. After the echo we went to a different part of the hospital for a chest x ray. Landon hated being placed on a cold board and held down, but he was a trooper and it was soon over. Then we went to a different room (it's a workout lugging around a carseat) and they weighed him (6Ib 11oz, no change since Monday) and did an EKG on him (lots of little stickers and plier like objects with wires, that monitor his sats and different things). When that was over I was told Dr. Fernandez would be in soon. I asked if I could change Landon's diaper on their table the nurse said that was fine. I was SO glad! By this time, we had been there for close to 3 hours and I hated that Landon was having to go through all this while being in a dirty diaper. I changed him quick then grabbed his bottle. I am convinced that babies just are NOT meant to have 3 to 4 hour Dr. appointments. They don't like them, nor handle them well and, on top of that, it really screws up their eating schedule. I could tell he was exhausted and I was glad when the comfort of the bottle stopped his screaming and finally got him to calm down and fall asleep. He was still sleeping when Fernandez arrived. He told me that the echo looks really good. The shunt looks great and seems to be working exactly the way it was meant to. He said the big things now are getting him to grow and just waiting to see if the right ventricle will grow anymore by the time he turns six months, and has to return to U of M for his next surgery. I asked him if he thought he will do good on formula and he agreed with what the pediatrician had told me. He said he was going to send in a dietician to show me how to mix the formula so that he will be getting the right amount of calories. I asked him if it's ok to take him places like church. He explained that going outside is fine and running into the grocery store with him to get a few things is alright, but he needs to be kept out of smaller enclosed buildings that have a lot of people in them, especially children. He's shouldn't be around any kids younger then three. He told me that we're lucky that it's not winter, so he doesn't have to worry about flu season and he can go outside. It was nice to hear that we're not completely locked down in our apartment.
He listened to Landon's heart one more time, took out some stitches and then told me he'd see me again for a weigh in next week. Then we waited for another half hour for the dietician to come in. By the time I talked with her and got all the information I needed it was after 4 o clock so it didn't make sense to go home, unpack Landon, only to bundle him up in a few minutes to go pick up Ryan, so we just went straight to Ryan's work place. He was waiting for us outside the building. We got home, Ryan grabbed some things and then left to go help with youth group.
The isolation started to sink in after he closed the door behind him. I miss going to church together on Wednesdays, seeing our friends, eating together, the worship and fellowship. We just had a baby, and I think it's normal to want to show him off... but we can't. We were joking today that maybe we should tell our friends whenever we're planning a trip to the grocery store so that we can "accidentally" run into them there. That way we could at least let them see Landon from a distance haha. All joking aside, we knew that it was most likely going to be this way. We would never jeopardize Landon's health just so we could show him off, but I'm so proud and in love with him. I want to share him with people. I want them to see his huge bright eyes, and feel the strong grasp of his tiny hand. Especially since these people are the ones who have held him up in prayer for so long. It saddens me to think of how much he will change by the time we finally get to bring him to meet his church family. Since before he was born, I've imagined the day when we can stand up on the stage, hand him over to the pastor, and have him dedicated to God. An outward expression of the inward dedication our hearts make on a daily basis. It brings tears to my eyes when I picture the outstretched hands of the church family who have, so quickly, taken us under their wing, befriended us, loved us, encouraged us, prayed unceasingly for us, and who, I know, will love Landon and play a role in his spiritual development. I cannot wait for that day and I know that because we MUST wait so long, that day will be even more sweeter. I also look forward to the day we can bring him home (we still call it that) to meet all of his Woodland family. Where he will be dedicated by his grandpa on the same stage where I was dedicated as a baby.
Landon is such a blessed child to have already experienced such an outpouring of love from the body of Christ. I can't wait to explain to him someday that people from all around the world, all different denominations, cultures, and backgrounds, joined in prayer for him and his healing. What a beautiful lesson we can teach our son because of all of you.