Tuesday, June 5, 2012
This last weekend we celebrated two very special occasions. Sunday was our first wedding anniversary and also Landon's two month birthday. I am just blown away when I ponder on everything that has happened in our first year of marriage. I was brought to tears as I read my vows the other day. I couldn't of imagined what God had in store for us then. I think I will share them with you, because I feel our commitment to God and to each other is truly what got me and Ryan through this last year. Reminisce with me as I take you back to a beautiful evening in June. I was scared to death to say my vows. As with everything I write, I had poured my heart out over the keys as I typed out words that I felt would do an adequate job of expressing my love for Ryan and the commitment that I knew I was making to him and to my Lord. I was nervous to share my heart, not just with Ryan, but with 300 other people. My anxiety lost it's grip over me as I saw Ryan and heard the beautiful and honest vows he had written for me. It was now my turn...
Ryan, I stand here today, before God and these witnesses, to pledge myself to you for life. I promise to love and adore you for as long as I live. I cannot promise you perfection, as I feel you deserve, but what I do have, I give to you now. I will give you my heart and I will hold back no longer. I will love you as sure as God has loved me.
I will love you in your weakness and when you are strong. I will love you in your laughter and I will love you through your tears. I will love you in your youth and I will love you more and more as we age together. I will love you through life's uncertainties, tragedies, and evils. I will seek daily to know you more, as I seek daily to know the One who knows you completely. I will discover what I can discover and though you remain a mystery, what I learn of you I will keep in the warmest chamber of my heart, the very chamber where God has stowed Himself in me. I will do this to my death and to my death it will bring me. I will choose to die to my selfish desires so that, by Gods power, we may be one.
You are mine and I Ryan Maxwell, am yours. I will love you with a love that is mighted by the will of God. I will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, and trying to earn your love. I will simply love. There is nothing that you could do to stop my love. I am giving myself to you and tomorrow I will do it again. God risked Himself on me therefore I will risk myself on you.
Together we will see God, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him unto us. I did not know the relentless depths of God's love until I met you. I have heard Him speak through your voice. I have felt his presence through your touch. He has used you to teach me how to trust. He has shown me that I cannot say that I trust Him if I am refusing to trust the man He has chosen to be my leader.
Because of His love I can stand here today and promise to follow you to the ends of the Earth. Where you lead I will go. May we walk out God's love for the world to see, may our marriage display His passion, His sacrificial love, His forgiveness and grace. With God as my utmost, I solemnly give myself to you to be untied by God from this day forward.
That's where it all started... I have read Job enough to know that when we said our vows, we put a target on our backs for Satan. I feel as though God truly did lead us to the ends of the Earth this last year. Without Ryan by my side I know I couldn't of done it. God has shown us that marriage isn't having a lot of money or the nicest house or going on fun trips or buying each other nice gifts. Marriage is holding on to each other because life is crushing down on you. It's holding hands because fear has stolen your ability to speak. It's choosing to laugh with each other, when you could just as easily cry. It's being strong when the other is having a weak day. It's waiting for the morning together. It's knowing that even if our worst fears come true, we'll be ok because we have each other.
For those of you who have followed our story, my prayer is that we have been a testimony of what God meant marriage to be. We have made mistakes this past year, we have hurt each other, said things we regret out of fear and stress (and pregnancy hormones), but we will tell you that as long as you don't lose sight of Gods faithfulness, you can get through even the darkest, longest nights. One thing sticks out to me so much in my vows... we have truly seen God. We have seen him more clearly and learned more of his sacrificial love while climbing our long hill with Landon then I believe we could of learned with a whole year of straight Bible study. On the foundation of our marriage, God had us walking out the truths of the gospel and through our brokenness, He has made our marriage stronger than ever.
"But He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:9
Happy Anniversary my love!!
To God be all the glory!!!