Thursday, April 5, 2012

Miracles & scary setbacks

Tonight Ryan and I are sleeping on pull out chairs, but we are only a curtain away from our lil man so the inevitable back aches in the morning are completely worth it. Wow, what a day! Days here go incredibly fast and it is unbelievable how much happens in such a short amount of time. I am going to try to make this quick so I can get at least 4 hours of sleep tonight.

We received some amazing news today! When talking with the surgeon who will perform Landon's surgery tomorrow. He told us that Landon's right ventricle is actually just a little smaller than a normal one. Because of this, Landon will not need to have surgery again until he is much older (10, teens, or even 20 or older) I was holding Landon as the surgeon was telling us this and I just closed my eyes and praised God for a miracle. Just a couple months ago, at his last fetal echo, I was told that his right ventricle was "hardly existent" and now I was hearing that it is just a little smaller than normal. Only God could make it grow that quickly! Landon's diagnosis is now completely different then we were originally told. That is the power of prayer! I'm crying as I write this because I know that most of you who will read this have played a role in healing our Landon and there are not words to express the gratitude we have. Landon has been so uplifted in prayer and because of it we will not have to see him go through more surgeries in the next couple years. Please rejoice with us in this victory!!!

With that said, we are now asking for even more prayer. We finally got out of the hospital for the first time  today and went out for supper with our parents. After supper Ryan went to the mall to get a couple things with his mom and dad and I asked my parents if they would drop me off at the hospital so I could pump and get some much needed rest. They wanted to walk me up to the room and say good night to Landon. When we got up to Landon's room there was a couple doctors I'd never met doing an echo on him. I stood by his bed and kept switching my gaze from Landon to the monitor and listening to what they were saying. I wasn't understanding much of it, when the doctor said "I may as well explain this to you since you're here now too." He pointed at the screen and showed me where the ventricular septum is. This is the wall of the heart that separates the right from the left ventricle. Then he showed me something that looked like a small hole. He began to explain that they started noticing some changes in Landon early this morning so they wanted to do an echo. It looks like there was a hole burned in the ventricular septum during the heart cath yesterday. We were told that there was a risk of this happening and it is a very serious problem. He said it is fixable but they are probably going to have to postpone his surgery until they can get it fixed. He told us some other things, but I want to wait to say more until we talk with his surgeon in the morning. As he was telling us this I started to cry. I feel like whenever we get some really great news and build up hope something else comes up that steals the joy we had. I was still emotional when Ryan and his parents got here. Ryan hugged me and his mom prayed over us. It would be easy to let this bad news cloud out the great news we received today, but a miracle is a miracle and there is no way that we have forgotten God's faithfulness to Landon and to us. It was just so hard to hear that my baby boy is going to have to go through more.

It is so hard for me to look at my beautiful, perfect little boy and know that there are these problems inside of him. He is so perfect, so tiny, so peaceful. Everyday I fall more in love with him. Even with his face all squished and taped shut I think he is the cutest thing in the world. It is going to be excruciating if we hand him over to the surgeon tomorrow, but we know that it's inevitable. We've been telling him that he's almost done, that it's going to get better. But now with this set back we really don't know how long it will be. Please please please keep praying friends, it works. Landon is already proof of that. He is our miracle and no matter what tomorrow holds God's glory shines through his tiny body. Every moment in his presence is such a gift.

As of now, surgery is still scheduled for tomorrow morning, but the cardiologist team and our surgeon will be here early to do another echo on him and will then decide if they should go through with the surgery or not. I will not have time to blog until later in the day probably, but I will try to at least update my Facebook as we find things out.

God is in control.

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